The Fact Files of the Zootopia Police Department
by Anguirus1955
Summary: Collected within these documents, found deep within the archives of the ZPD, are the true and observed facts of Zootopia's residents and neighbors.
1. File 001: The Miraculous Chief Bogo

**The Fact Files of the ZPD**

Disclaimer: Zootopia is owned by Disney.

* * *

We have here, for all of you, a collection of facts and observations regarding Zootopia's finest... and even some people who aren't members of the ZPD. These are all true...ish.

* * *

 **File 001: THE MIRACULOUS CHIEF BOGO**

01\. Chief Bogo was born with the first name of Chief. His actual rank is unknown.

02\. Every time Chief Bogo smiles, a baby platypus is born.

03\. Chief Bogo has existed for millennia. The ZPD First Precinct was actually built around him.

04\. Chief Bogo has the ability to shoot laser beams from his eyes.

05\. Contrary to popular belief, Chief Bogo does not listen to Gazelle music. Chief Bogo dances to Gazelle music while wearing a black and gold striped leotard, and it is the most fabulous sight you will ever behold.

06\. Chief Bogo is actually the love child of a ancient god and a modern buffalo. This is why he is so strong. His strength is completely unrelated to diet and exercise.

07\. Every time Bogo cries, his tears are to be collected, for a single one of his tears has enough nutrients to sustain one acre of farm land for a month.

08\. Chief Bogo's milkshakes bring all of the girls to the yard. ALL of them. There are no exceptions.

09\. Chief Bogo can travel through time. The reason that he does not do so is because he is too smart to risk tearing a hole in the fabric of time and space.

10\. Chief Bogo once swam around the entire ocean in three days... with cement blocks tied to his body.

11\. Day and night only exist when Chief Bogo wakes up and goes to sleep, respectively.

12\. The Big Bang is the only event in the history of the universe to have occurred without Chief Bogo's involvement. Everything else has been as result of his will after his birth.

13\. Chief Bogo is able to mate with three females for ten hours straight, every day of the week... if he feels like it.

14\. Chief Bogo can go an entire month without blinking.

15\. Chief Bogo once stopped a train from crashing with only his fist.

16\. Chief Bogo eats metal girders for breakfast, semi-trucks for lunch, and cargo ships for dinner. He has a large iron intake.

17\. Chief Bogo once became his own great-great-great-great grandfather. He has no regrets over the incident.

18\. Bogo Bogo Bogo Bogo Bogo Bogo Bogo.

19\. Chief Bogo once parted the sea in order for an elderly squirrel to travel to another continent... by blinking.

20\. Chief Bogo does not lift weights to get strong. Weights lift him to make themselves strong, so that others may feel a sliver of his greatness when they lift them.

21\. Once, when no one was looking, Chief Bogo ate forty donuts. He ate 40 donuts! That's as many as four tens!

22\. Chief Bogo is immortal.

23\. When Chief Bogo sighs, a hurricane destroys three houses owned by pigs.

24\. When Chief Bogo finally dies, the universe will implode in on itself, dooming us all.

25\. Chief Bogo has the strength of a buffalo... that has the strength of ten buffalo.

26\. Chief Bogo once rescued an entire family from a burning building... by telling the fire to put itself out. The fire obeyed him.

* * *

The Next Fact File is... Judy Hopps!


	2. File 002: Judy Hopps

**The Fact Files of the ZPD  
**  
Disclaimer: Zootopia is owned by Disney

* * *

We have here, for all of you, a collection of facts and observations regarding Zootopia's finest... and even some people who aren't members of the ZPD. These are all true...ish.

* * *

 **FILE 002: JUDY HOPPS  
**

01\. When Judy Hopps smiles at someone, all the hatred in their heart is replaced by love.

02\. Judy Hopps' thighs are so powerful that she can jump all the way to the moon.

03\. Judy Hopps can eat one hundred full-sized carrots in one hour.

04\. Judy Hopps once divided by zero. Chief Bogo had to rebuild the universe.

05\. Judy Hopps once painted herself blue when all of her uniforms were dirty.

06\. Judy Hopps can fly if she thumps her right right foot 200 times in a row.

07\. Judy Hopps can sing a soprano.

08\. Judy Hopps... hops.

09\. During her training at the Zootopia Police Academy, Judy Hopps discovered a love of boxing, and secretly enters undergound tournaments on the weekends.

10\. Judy Hopps has defeated every single co-worker at the First Precinct in the dangerous sport of arm wrestling at least once.

11\. As a rabbit, Judy Hopps is excellent at multiplication. As a result, she has never failed a math test.

12\. Being good at multiplying, Judy once got herself pregnant... through self-pleasure.

13\. Judy Hopps once outran a speeding bullet.

14\. Judy Hopps does not fear the reaper. The reaper fears Judy Hopps.

15\. Judy Hopps can eat twenty gallons of ice cream in a row... without suffering brain-freeze.

16\. Judy Hopps will flip a coin with Nick Wilde to decide the first position of the night.

17\. Every time Judy Hopps laughs, an orphan is adopted.

18\. Every time Judy Hopps cries, the ocean level rises.

19\. Global Accelerated Climate Change is caused by the heat of passion between Judy and Nick when they make love.

20\. Judy Hopps once had a staring contest with her reflection. It ended in a draw.

21\. Judy's ears are so powerful that they can hear music from her iPaw even when nothing is plugged into it.

22\. Judy Hopps once made a carrot sentient by singing to it. She then devoured that carrot without remorse.

23\. Judy Hopps once thumped her feet so fast that the vibrations split the Earth in half.

24\. Judy Hopps once made a recording of herself with her carrot pen, and then recorded that recording with another carrot pen.

25\. Judy Hopps can lift up to eighty times her own body weight.

26\. Judy Hopps can revive the recently deceased with a hug, even if they're missing a body part. It will magically grow back or reattach itself.

* * *

The Next Fact File is... Benjamin Clawhauser!


	3. File 003: Benjamin Clawhauser

**The Fact Files of the ZPD  
**  
Disclaimer: Zootopia is owned by Disney

* * *

We have here, for all of you, a collection of facts and observations regarding Zootopia's finest... and even some people who aren't members of the ZPD. These are all true...ish.

* * *

 **FILE 003: Benjamin Clawhauser**

01\. Benjamin Clawhauser has consumed so much sugar in his lifetime that coming into contact with a single bead of his sweat can give someone Type-2 Diabetes.

02\. Nicholas Wilde once joked about eating all of Clawhauser's donuts. He went missing for a week until Judy Hopps found him curled up in a ball, whimpering and crying.  
He has not joked about stealing Clawhauser's food since.

03\. Benjamin Clawhauser was born on the planet of Kraylock. He came to Earth to save us all from war and death and stuff.

04\. Benjamin Clawhauser once ripped a suspect in half by accident after apprehending them. He has been on desk duty ever since.

05\. Benjamin Clawhauser was once married to Gazelle. She divorced him after nine days.

06\. Benjamin Clawhauser once saved a baby otter from a locked car, just so that he could get at the box of candy next to the child.

07\. Benjamin Clawhauser has a very sweet disposition.

08\. Benjamin Clawhauser once lifted an entire bus full of large mammals off of the road in order to save a baby bird.

09\. At night, when no one is looking, Benjamin Clawhauser will dress up as a tusked turtle and fly around, saving children from danger caused by their own stupidity.

10\. Five years after being divorced by Gazelle, Benjamin Clawhauser married a snow leopard named Ginger. They had nine snow leopard/cheetah hybrids together.

11\. Benjamin Clawhauser is friend to all children, a title bestowed upon him by a giant flying turtle named... something that was redacted by the records officials. It begins with the letter "G".

12\. Benjamin Clawhauser is a sith lord.

13\. Benjamin Clawhauser's fat is actually a custom-made suit that houses hundreds and hundreds of Skittles and M&M's. It is held together by happiness... and love.

14\. Benjamin Clawhauser once opened a portal to another dimension, where he met a strange mammal with a blue uniform named Murphy, who gave him a mystical object called the Happy Bake Oven.

15\. Benjamin Clawhauser once won the thousand yard dash in thirty seconds. He is magic.

16\. Benjamin Clawhauser once rode a robot unicorn into the sunset after defeating the forces of evil in a MIGHTY and EPIC battle that tore the Earth asunder!

17\. Benjamin Clawhauser can read minds.

18\. Benjamin Clawhauser used to be a volleyball champion in high school.

19\. Benjamin Clawhauser was once a pimp named Claw Master. He was arrested and later became a police officer after changing his ways.

20\. Benjamin Clawhauser knows when you are sleeping. He knows when you're awake. He knows if you've been bad or good, so be good for goodness sake.

21\. Benjamin Clawhauser once swung an entire train into the air using his tail.

22\. Benjamin Clawhauser's claws are as sharp as diamonds... but not as pretty.

23\. Benjamin Clawhauser once went on a homicidal rampage after his favorite bakery was burned down by a group of arsonists.

24\. Benjamin Clawhauser used the "My Grandmother Died" excuse at least 75 times when he was a schoolboy.

25\. When Benjamin Clawhauser plays baseball, the ball will magically sprout wings and fly away after being hit by his bat.

26\. Benjamin Clawhauser can say the name of Candle Jack without be*

27\. Benjamin Clawhauser is the heir to the Billy-Goat Wonka Chocolate Factory.

28\. Benjamin Clawhauser was once turned into a newt. He got better.

* * *

The Next Fact File is... Nick Wilde

*If you get this reference... good for you. The whole disappearing before finishing sentences is part of the joke.


	4. File 004: Nicholas P Wilde

**The Fact Files of the ZPD**

Disclaimer: Zootopia is owned by Disney

* * *

We have here, for all of you, a collection of facts and observations regarding Zootopia's finest... and even some people who aren't members of the ZPD. These are all true...ish.

* * *

 **FILE 004: Nicholas Piberius Wilde**

01\. Nick Wilde once conned himself into believing that his own reflection was a different fox.

02\. Nick Wilde has an affinity for Blueberries.

03\. After five years on the force, Nick Wilde finally paid all of his evaded taxes.

04\. Nick Wilde once conned himself out of 25 dollars. To this day, he still cannot figure out how that happened.

05\. Nick Wilde is a descendant, not of Robin Hood, but of Sir Robin The Brave, who boldly ran away, away! Brave, brave Sir Robin!

06\. Nick Wilde once tracked down the animals who forced a muzzle on him at ranger scouts, plotting revenge, only to be robbed of his revenge when a giant space squirrel came down and gobbled them up before flying away to its home planet to fight all the bad guys. Nick Wilde vowed to never use drugs again after that.

07\. Nick Wilde has tripped over his own tail at least seven times in his life.

08\. Nick Wilde can play the tuba.

09\. Nick Wilde is married to Judy Hopps. They have five fox/rabbit hybrids.

10\. Nick Wilde once tried to work for Gideon Grey's bakery, only to be fired for eating all of the blueberries needed for the pies.

11\. Nick Wilde likes to chase his own tail for fun before going to bed and after waking up.

12\. Nick Wilde once gave Chief Bogo a weekend pass to a resort... which turned out to be the Oasis Springs resort.

13\. Nick Wilde can eat five hundred blueberries in twenty minutes.

14\. Nick Wilde is a Jedi.

15\. Nick Wilde once conned his own shadow into giving him 20 dollars.

16\. Nick Wilde is forever banned from Mr. Big's estate unless he is accompanying Judy Hopps.

17\. Nick Wilde is actually Finnick's younger half-brother. They both share the same father.

18\. Nick Wilde used to work in the Adult Video industry, starring in such classics as Pull My Tail, The Nose Knows, and Vixens Gone WILDE! Chief Bogo used this as blackmail to make Nick do all of Bogo's paperwork for a month.

19\. Nick Wilde can levitate himself up to three meters in the air.

20\. Nick Wilde once used a frozen pizza as a spare tire for Finnick's van. He had a black eye for two weeks.

21\. Nick Wilde has no shame.

22\. Once, when no one was looking, Nick Wilde took a nap at work.

23\. Nick Wilde can shoot fire out of his mouth.

24\. Nick Wilde has a bachelor's degree in graphic design.

25\. Nick Wilde once gave Judy Hopps an orgasm just by smiling at her.

26\. Nick Wilde can smell blueberry pie from up to 30 miles away.

27\. Nick Wilde once convinced Gazelle to put on a small concert for sick children at the Zootopia General Hospital.

28\. Nick Wilde once locked himself with Judy in his apartment by accident when she went into heat for an entire weekend. He was put on desk duty until he could walk again.

29\. Nick Wilde, at the urging of Judy and Clawhauser, once baked fifty cakes for the Zootopia Police Department Annual Fundraiser. He baked fifty cakes! That's as many as FIVE tens!

30\. Nick Wilde once jokingly made a bet with Clawhauser that he and Judy would get married, not realizing that there was actually a betting pool within the police station on just that occurrence. Five years later, he won that bet and all of the money without realizing it.

* * *

The Next Fact File is... Dawn Bellwether!


	5. File 005: The Perplexing Dawn Bellwether

**The Fact Files of the ZPD**

Disclaimer: Zootopia is owned by Disney

* * *

We have here, for all of you, a collection of facts and observations regarding Zootopia's finest... and even some people who aren't members of the ZPD. These are all true...ish.

* * *

 **FILE 005: Dawn Bellwether**

01\. Dawn Bellwether loves being called cute.

02\. Dawn Bellwether once built a giant robotic moose in order to conquer the Earth. It quickly fell apart.

03\. Dawn Bellwether's favorite book is Doctor Blood's Orgy Of Gore*.

04\. Dawn Bellwether counts herself to sleep.

05\. Dawn Bellwether is secretly a dominatrix.

06\. Dawn Bellwether once dreamed of being a rock star, but a tragic accident involving stage lights and a helicopter put an end to that.

07\. Dawn Bellwether can put someone to sleep by staring into their eyes.

08\. Dawn Bellwether has a hidden island fortress with doomsday devices.

09\. Dawn Bellwether hooked up with Leodore Lionheart in prison. The wedding is planned for sometime after they are both released.

10\. Dawn Bellwether once stepped on a mob boss in Little Rodentia by accident.

11\. Dawn Bellwether can eat 90 bags worth of cheese curls in one hour.

12\. Dawn Bellwether once sailed across the ocean using a giant mechanical shark.

13\. Dawn Bellwether drinks up to ten cups of coffee a day.

14\. Dawn Bellwether's tears can cure blindness.

15\. Dawn Bellwether can lift up to ten times her own weight.

16\. Dawn Bellwether is afraid of clowns.

17\. Dawn Bellwether can teleport herself when she says her own name backwards.

18\. Dawn Bellwether was trained from a young age to be a ninja assassin.

19\. Dawn Bellwether owns at least 24 different pairs of glasses; one for each hour of the day.

20\. Every time Dawn Bellwether smiles, a rainbow appears in the sky, even if there hasn't been any rain.

21\. Dawn Bellwether can cook pancakes using any ingredients.

22\. Dawn Bellwether likes to cuddle.

23\. Dawn Bellwether once shaved all of the wool off her body to make a sweater for Mayor Lionheart.

24\. When frightened, Dawn Bellwether emits a pheromone that causes any animal within a five meter radius to become fiercely protective of her.

25\. Dawn Bellwether has a secret clone army of herself hidden beneath the sewers of Zootopia.

26\. Dawn Bellwether's fleece is as white as snow.

27\. Dawn Bellwether likes shiny things.

28\. Dawn Bellwether is a time lord.

* * *

The Next Fact File is... Leodore Lionheart!

*If you get this reference, give yourself a cookie.


	6. File 006: Mighty Leodore Lionheart

**The Fact Files of the ZPD**

Disclaimer: Zootopia is owned by Disney

* * *

We have here, for all of you, a collection of facts and observations regarding Zootopia's finest... and even some people who aren't members of the ZPD. These are all true...ish.

* * *

 **FILE 006: Leodore Lionheart**

01\. Leodore Lionheart has a twin sister named Leona.

02\. Leodore Lionheart's mother is a hamster and his father smells of elderberries.

03\. Once, during a slow day at the office, Leodore Lionheart printed eight hundred scans of his face using the main officer printer.

04\. Sometimes, when no one is looking, Leodore Lionheart recites Klingon poetry.

05\. Leodore Lionheart is a descendant of King Richard III.

06\. One day, after getting bonked on the head, Leodore Lionheart began calling Dawn Bellwether 'Simba' and tried to groom her to be the heir to his kingdom.

07\. Leodore Lionheart eats ten boxes of nails for breakfast, two 100 lb weights for lunch, and the contents of a certain ewe's box for dinner.

08\. Leodore Lionheart is the secret identity of the Masked-Feline. Masked! Feline! He flies like a moron!

09\. Leodore Lionheart's favorite snack is a bag of corn chips. However, he constantly forgets to take them out of the bag itself, often requiring Dawn Bellwether to revive him using CPR and a long pair of tongs.

10\. Leodore Lionheart is the proud recipient of ten Worst Boss Of The Year Awards. Only three of those were given to him by Bellwether. The rest are from unknown parties.

11\. Leodore Lionheart secretly wears a thong under his business suit.

12\. During Leodore Lionheart's first visit to Dawn Bellwether's apartment, he forgot to flush the toilet. He has not forgotten since then, for he fears Dawn's wrath.

13\. Leodore Lionheart's only true weakness is an old LP recording of a twenty minute mountain-side yodeling session.

14\. Leodore Lionheart once challenged the sun to a staring contest. It took one year for him to recover from his blindness.

15\. For most of their time together, Leodore Lionheart and Dawn Bellwether have secretly been dating.

16\. When Leodore Lionheart gets angry, his roar is so powerful that it can cause buildings to collapse.

17\. When Leodore Lionheart yawns, every animal in a twenty-mile radius falls asleep, no matter what they are doing.

18\. Leodore Lionheart's singing voice has the power to heal leprosy.

19\. Leodore Lionheart once mistook cold coffee for chocolate milk.

20\. After an incident involving himself and two female antelope in a changing room, Leodore Lionheart is banned from entering all lingerie stores in Zootopia.

21\. Once, when a meteor was about to hit the Earth, Leodore Lionheart punched it right back into outer space.

22\. Leodore Lionheart once tried to chase his own tail, believing it to be a small rodent.

23\. Leodore Lionheart likes to cuddle with a large plush bear.

24\. Leodore Lionheart once jumped off a rooftop in order to prove to a group of idiots that gravity was real.

25\. Leodore Lionheart once chased a chicken across a road with his pants down around his ankles while laughing like a maniac. He has since blamed the incident on a brief moment of raging insanity.

26\. When Leodore Lionheart proposed to Dawn Bellwether, he did so by grabbing her glasses and holding them up so that the light of the sun would pass through them and set parts of a grassy field on fire to make his message. Dawn accepted.

27\. Leodore Lionheart once punched a speeding bullet out of the air.

28\. The very first words out of Leodore Lionheart's mouth as a cub were, "Praise me."

29\. Leodore Lionheart grooms his mane eight times a day.

30\. Death had to take Leodore Lionheart in his sleep, for had he been awake, there would have been a fight.

* * *

The Next Fact File is... Duke Weaselton!


	7. File 007: Duke Weaselton

**The Fact Files of the ZPD**

Disclaimer: Zootopia is owned by Disney

* * *

We have here, for all of you, a collection of facts and observations regarding Zootopia's finest... and even some people who aren't members of the ZPD. These are all true...ish.

* * *

 **FILE 007: Duke Weaselton**

Current Name and/or alias: Duke Weaselton.

Birth Name: Nivalius Furmon.

Species: Long-tail Weasel (Mustela Frenata)

Height: 8.5 inches (around 21.7 cm)

Weight: 0.66 lb (0.33 kg)

Age: 37 yrs

Sex: Male

Place of Residence: 128 Morning Wood Road, Apartment #024.

Place of Birth: Unknown.

Exact Date of Birth: Unknown.

Date of Arrest: Saturday, June 14th, 2017.

Arresting Officer: Judy Hopps.

Charges: Armed Robbery, assault, public nudity, conspiracy to commit public nudity, theft, loitering, smoking in a non-smoking area, aiding and abetting a known felon, jay-walking, felony tax evasion, driving while intoxicated, bribery of police officials, public urination and defecation, grand theft auto, copyright infringement, resisting arrest.

Current Status: In holding, currently awaiting bail. Bail set at $2,000.00. Is to appear in court on October 26th, at 9:00 am.

Notes From the Arresting Officer: _This asshole called me CUTE! Only other rabbits may call each other cute! That is OUR WORD! Officer Wilde may say it, but only when the moment is right. I have nothing further to add._

* * *

The Next Fact File is... Gazelle!


	8. File 008: The Amazing Gazelle!

**The Fact Files of the ZPD**

Disclaimer: Zootopia is owned by Disney

* * *

We have here, for all of you, a collection of facts and observations regarding Zootopia's finest... and even some people who aren't members of the ZPD. These are all true...ish.

* * *

 **FILE 008: Gazelle**

01\. Gazelle's singing voice can physically move planets and moons.

02\. Gazelle knows karate... and kung fu... and taekwando... and gymkata.

03\. Gazelle is a secret agent, using her stage persona as a cover to move about.

04\. Each of Gazelle's earrings houses a tiny universe inside of it.

05\. Gazelle is a former member of the Church of Mouse, who worship the great Mickey Mouse as their lord and savior. Gazelle is currently a member of the Church of Goof.

06\. Gazelle can leap over tall buildings in a single bound.

07\. Gazelle used to dream about being a pilot, but a tragic accident at a high school involving stage lights, a young ewe, and a helicopter brought an end to that dream.

08\. Gazelle has secret pyromaniac tendencies.

09\. Late at night, when her dancers are sleeping, Gazelle paints funny faces on them and takes pictures.

10\. Gazelle has been stung by angry bees at least 1,467 times in her life.

11\. Gazelle likes long walks on the beach and getting caught in the rain.

12\. Gazelle once ate 357 pancakes in ten minutes.

13\. Gazelle has the power to rear-project major cities.

14\. Gazelle is ambidextrous.

15\. Gazelle can speak ten different languages... but can only read five of them.

16\. Gazelle once was married to Benjamin Clawhauser. She divorced him after nine days.

17\. Gazelle went hunting once. There were no survivors.

18\. Gazelle can run the 1 kilometer dash in five seconds. She wears a special suit to avoid making a sonic boom.

19\. Gazelle can eat up to 80 times her own body wight in one day and still not get fat.

20\. Gazelle once used a bag of skittles to stop an armed robbery.

21\. Gazelle Gazelle Gazelle Gazelle Gazelle Gazelle Gazelle.

22\. Gazelle is of the Earth. Corn grows in her.

23\. Gazelle does not fear the dark. She and the dark are very good friends.

24\. Gazelle enjoys putting balls in holes. She is therefore excellent at ski-ball.

25\. Gazelle excels at putting rods into slots. She enjoys making IKEA furniture.

26\. Gazelle once saved Earth from imminent destruction by singing a love song.

27\. A single drop of Gazelle's tears can purify 80 square kilometers of polluted ocean water.

28\. Gazelle can pat her head and rub her tummy at the same time.

* * *

The Next Fact File is... Finnick!


	9. File 009: Finnick

**The Fact Files of the ZPD**

Disclaimer: Zootopia is owned by Disney

* * *

We have here, for all of you, a collection of facts and observations regarding Zootopia's finest... and even some people who aren't members of the ZPD. These are all true...ish.

* * *

 **FILE 009: Finnick**

01\. Finnick has a secret collection of stuffed elephant plush toys in his apartment.

02\. Finnick once tricked Nick into hustling his own reflection.

03\. Once, to evade the police, Finnick used his ears and his stature to disguise himself as a rabbit.

04\. Finnick once beat Koslov, Mr. Big's head henchman, at arm wrestling.

05\. Finnick can use his ears to fly.

06\. Finnick is finicky about his food.

07\. Finnick is not actually Finnick's real name.

08\. Finnick once fought a demon king on the edge of an erupting volcano located on an island in the pacific ocean.

09\. Finnick can fill himself up with air and expand his body like a balloon.

10\. Finnick once swung a crocodile around in the air while grabbing its tail.

11\. Finnick likes to run back and forth in alley ways when no one is looking.

12\. Finnick can use magic to create surf boards out of nothing.

13\. Finnick once threatened his own reflection to stop staring at him. It obeyed.

14\. Finnick once bought an entire amusement park, just so that he could recycle the metal from the rides for money. The park had failed its safety inspections anyway.

15\. Finnick is secretly a Mammal In Black.

16\. Finnick is not cool. Cool is Finnick.

17\. Finnick has a special whistle that he can use to control Chief Bogo.

18\. Finnick once saved the universe from destruction... by accident... while sleeping.

19\. Finnick can bake a ham and dance a jig like _noooobody's business!_

20\. When Finnick was but a kit, he got lost in the desert. He spent the next five years being raised by various insects.

21\. Finnick was once bitten by an Eastern Diamondback Rattlesnake. After ten hours of agonizing suffering... the snake finally died.

22\. Finnick is the descendant of a great fox messiah.

23\. Do not call Finnick a baby. He will find you.

24\. Finnick has a harem comprised of half of Zootopia's unmarried and/or unmated adult female population.

* * *

The next Fact File will be... Mr. Big!


	10. File 010: Mr Big

**The Fact Files of the ZPD**

Disclaimer: Zootopia is owned by Disney

* * *

We have here, for all of you, a collection of facts and observations regarding Zootopia's finest... and even some people who aren't members of the ZPD. These are all true...ish.

 **FILE 010: Mr. Big**

* * *

01\. Mr. Big is very small.

02\. Mr. Big can eat up to twenty times his own body weight in a single day.

03\. Mr. Big was once melted all of the ice and snow in Tundra Town to make a lake for his daughter on her eight birthday.

04\. Mr. Big once ate a polar bear who tried to usurp him... all by himself.

05\. Mr. Big used to steal candy from babies in his youth.

06\. Mr. Big wants YOU to join the Zootopia Police!

07\. Mr. Big is a big eater.

08\. Mr. Big likes the cold.

09\. Mr. Big's swimming pool is the size of a 16 floz cup.

10\. Mr. Big is afraid of owls.

11\. Mr. Big loves his daughter.

12\. Mr. Big collects seashells by the sea shore.

13\. Mr. Big can sing soprano.

14\. Mr. Big has a secret pasta pot in his basement that can produce never-ending pasta.

15\. Mr. Big once played a game of Chess with a rat named Professor Ratigan*. He lost, and never played Chess against Ratigan again.

16\. Mr. Big once tried to ice Basil of Baker Street*. He failed. Miserably.

17\. Mr. Big can bake a baker's dozen baker's dozen.

18\. Mr. Big once had to travel inside of an elephant's blood stream in order to find a bomb and disarm it.

19\. Mr. Big hates stereotypical Italian restaurant music, and forbids it to be played at any of the establishments that he owns.

20\. Mr. Big likes to slap his enemies in the face with frozen fish.

21\. Mr. Big can shoot beams of ice out of his eyes when angered.

22\. Mr. Big can recite the entirety of pi in a single breath.

23\. Mr. Big likes to do the can-can.

24\. On Saturdays, in the early hours of the morning, Mr. Big dresses up and delivers ice cream to all of the citizens of Zootopia.

25\. Mr. Big's real name is Bert I. Gordon.

26\. Mr. Big wears a bra and thong underneath his business suit.

27\. Mr. Big took the cookie from the cookie jar.

28\. Mr. Big has a dentist named Dr. Small.

29\. Mr. Big's nose grows when he lies, and shrinks back to normal when he tells the truth.

30\. Mr. Big once got drunk, and when he saw himself in a mirror, he tried to attack his reflection, thinking that it was another shrew moving in on his territory.

31\. Mr. Big is a mafioso. Therefore... he is an asshole. Fuck him.

* * *

The mafia is a group of thugs, and I refuse to glamorize them. Fuck them. Fuck every fucking one of them. I don't care for _The Godfather_ either.

*The Great Mouse Detective is one of my most favorite Disney movies of all time. Voice work by the late _Vincent Price_ , music by Henry Mancini, and willingness to show characters drinking and watching a cabaret dance, along with intense violence. Yup. This movie has it all, and it only clocks in at little over an hour in length. It was also the second Disney movie to utilize computer generated imagery, specifically for the clock-tower sequence near the end. Before anyone says anything, _The Black Caldron_ (1985) was the _first_ Disney animated movie to utilize computer generated imagery. The Great Mouse Detective also has a small child character who _isn't_ annoying or overly cute. I love this movie.


	11. File 011: Gideon Grey

**The Fact Files of the ZPD**

Disclaimer: Zootopia is owned by Disney

* * *

We have here, for all of you, a collection of facts and observations regarding Zootopia's finest... and even some people who aren't members of the ZPD. These are all true...ish.

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 **FILE 011: Gideon Grey**

01\. Gideon Grey is not a Gray Fox. He is a Red Fox.

02\. Gideon Grey gets gorgeous girls.

03\. Gideon Grey once baked 40 pies for 40 people who were going to St. Ives.

04\. Gideon Grey likes to square dance.

05\. Gideon be nimble! Gideon be quick! Gideon once leaped over a candlestick!

06\. When Gideon is bored, he lies on his bed and stares at the ceiling.

07\. Gideon Grey once destroyed a Ford Pinto just by standing next to it and sneezing.

08\. Gideon Grey once built an entire house out of gingerbread, but then two young bunnies got lost in the woods, found the house, and ate it in one afternoon.

09\. Gideon Grey uses pi when measuring and calculating the ingredients for his pies.

10\. Gideon Grey once baked a giant pi symbol with pie ingredients.

11\. Gideon Grey does not comb the hair on his head. It is that way naturally.

12\. Gideon Grey can rub his tummy and pat his head while hopping on one foot to the tune of river-dance music all at the same time.

13\. Gideon Grey is allergic to allergies. Not allergens. Allergies.

14\. Gideon Grey giddily giggles.

15\. Once, after a big snow storm, Gideon Grey cleared all of the streets in Bunnyburrow by huffing and puffing and blowing the snow away.

16\. Gideon Grey likes to whistle while he works.

17\. Sometimes, Gideon Grey likes to walk on his front paws while carrying stuff using his feet.

18\. Gideon Grey likes to drink Earl Grey Tea.


	12. File 012: Bonnie & Stu Hopps

**The Fact Files of the ZPD**

Disclaimer: Zootopia is owned by Disney

* * *

We have here, for all of you, a collection of facts and observations regarding Zootopia's finest... and even some people who aren't members of the ZPD. These are all true...ish.

* * *

 **FILE 012: Bonnie & Stu Hopps**

01\. Bonnie hops.

02\. Stu hops.

03\. Only three litters of Bonnie and Stu's offspring were ever conceived on purpose.

04\. Sometimes, when no one is looking, Stu Hopps likes to put on a train cap and pretend that he is a conductor.

05\. Bonnie and Stu have had sex with each other over 784,923 times since they first started _dating_.

06\. Bonnie and Stu's first litter of kits were conceived two years before they were married.

07\. Stu Hopps has a gambling addiction, and he has gone to rehab for it over twenty times in the past two years alone.

08\. Bonnie Hopps can remember the name of every single child she has ever produced.

09\. Bonnie's favorite drink is lemonade.

10\. Stu's favorite drink is lemon-flavored iced tea.

11\. Bonnie and Stu Hopps each own at least 16 pairs of the same pants and overalls, 24 pairs of the same underwear, 24 pairs of the same socks, and 42 of the same shirts.

12\. Bonnie Hopps can pat her head, rub her tummy, and hop on one foot at the same time.

13\. Stu Hopps once lost a drag race to a snail.

14\. When Bonnie has trouble sleeping, she performs complex math equations in her head.

15\. Every single child on the Hopps farm has walked in on Bonnie and Stu _en flagrante delicto_ at least once.

16\. After a tragic accident involving a telephone pole and a traumatized rescue worker, trampolines are forbidden in and around the Hopps homestead.

17\. The weasel who Stu plays cards with does not cheat. Stu is just that terrible at playing cards games.

18\. The names of Bonnie and Stu's first two offspring to be born were Ugh and Lee. It took the nurse and attending doctor _three_ _hours_ to convince the pair that these were terrible names.

19\. Stu once dug a series of underground tunnels so expansive that they caused half of Bunnyburrow to collapse and sink into the ground.

20\. Bonnie's maiden name is Bonnie Clyde.

21\. Bonnie and Stu are not rabbits. They are hares.

22\. When Bonnie was born, her mother almost wrote _Bobby_ on the birth certificate instead of _Bonnie_.

23\. Bonnie Hopps has a secret passion for driving MONSTER TRUCKS!

24\. Stu Hopps once owned a pet rock. Tragically, it had to be put down after Stu and his family found moss growing on it.

25\. Stu Hopps had dated two other does before meeting Bonnie. She was the only one he ever slept with.

26\. Bonnie had dated three other bucks before meeting Stu Hopps. He was the second one she ever slept with, and the only one she ever truly loved.

27\. Bonnie and Stu Hopps share a love as intense as a thousand burning suns. Everyone in Bunnyburrow has to wear sunglasses and sunblock when they come into town.

28\. Bonnie and Stu Hopps love their family.

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The Next Fact File is... Officer McHorn!


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